Please Note: This is satire. My lack of skill means you’ll probably end up taking it seriously. If you wear Apple or Amazon pajamas to bed then you definitely should skip this post.
The two most important inventions of the 21st century have already been made. It’s our pleasure today to cover these and discuss their utter magnificence. Tesla and James Watt are crying, for everything they did is meaningless when compared with these two specimens of revolutionary magicalness.
Apple Smart Cover vs James Watt
- James Watt made huge improvements to the steam engine. The steam engine played a pivotal part in the Industrial Revolution. The Apple Smart Cover started the Extreme Minimalism Revolution – producers were able to create products that sold at high prices while minimizing on utility. The major advances included houses with 2 walls instead of 4, backless t-shirts, and cars without roofs and sides.
- As important as doing away with all the useless (and half of the useful) parts of a product was the concept of keeping the price the same.
- The final flourish of the Extreme Minimalism Revolution was adding a premium model at double the price.
- James Watt is considered by many to not be the sole inventor of the steam engine. In stark contrast Apple was the only company brave enough to design a cover that covered only one side of their device.
- Apple’s Smart Cover uses magnets to magically fix itself to the device. This is such a leap that other uses of magnets, such as Tesla’s work with electromagnetism, seem pointless in comparison. Electricity did little except replace lamps, and let’s be honest here – lamps were aesthetically much more appealing. On the other hand, the smart cover does something that has never been done before.
The invention of the Smart Cover was so important that the time from 2011 onwards began to be known as Post SC (not to be confused with Post PC).
A few things worth covering about Apple’s Smart Cover for the iPad 2 – It folds into a stand (it’s something Apple calls ‘multi-purposeness’), it uses magnets, it comes in two models (Gullible, Sell me the Bay Bridge), it makes a clicking sound when it touches the iPad (this sound has been tuned to be the most pleasing sound possible – both for humans and dogs), it allows people to see the aluminum back of your iPad 2 (thus helping avoid any confusion that you’re a cheapskate carrying around a cookbook or hardcover).
AT&T’s CEO called it the most important product design decision since Michelangelo added a painting to the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
Kindle Lighted Cover vs Nikola Tesla
- Tesla pretty much invented half the cool things in electromagnetism and helped usher in the Second Industrial Revolution. However, his work pales in comparison to the magical and revolutionary idea to put a light into a cover.
- To add to that magic, Amazon made the incredible breakthrough of letting the Kindle power this light. This led to some unfortunate complications with cases that didn’t have lights enclosed – Well, we do have to make some sacrifices in the name of scientific progress.
- Finally, the light actually slides completely inside the case. Like a secret double agent, who you don’t even notice until he slits your throat, it pulls out of nowhere to cover the darkness with its light.
- As opposed to Tesla, who died with significant debts, the Kindle Lighted Cover would struggle to even understand the meaning of debt. At $59.99 it’s nearly as expensive as a Kindle WiFi. If this isn’t capitalism – what is?
- In much the spirit of Apple’s Extreme Minimalism movement the Lighted Cover is a marvel. Instead of adding in a side-light into the Kindle, Amazon separated out this functionality into the cover. Not only did it keep with the extreme minimalism philosophy, it allowed the Kindle Lighted Cover to become a technological marvel.
Here’s the exclusive break-down of what goes into the $59.95 cost of the Kindle Lighted Cover –
- $4.99 – Production and shipping costs.
- $1 – Patent Rights.
- $20 – Premium for getting a Kindle cover with a built-in hidden light.
- $20 – Premium for getting a light that’s powered by the Kindle itself.
- $14 – Premium for getting a leather cover.
Whoever said ideas are worth nothing obviously didn’t meet the person at Amazon who decided to price the Kindle Lighted Cover at $60.
Please note that while the Kindle Lighted Cover absolutely destroys Apple’s Smart Covers when it comes to the ‘Idea Premium’, Apple beats Amazon by charging $30 extra for the leather version of the Smart Cover. This is doubly impressive given that the Smart Cover is just half a cover.
However, it is pointless to compare these masterpieces against each other. It would be like comparing Mozart’s Fifth Symphony against Claude Monet’s Houses of Parliament.
Each is resplendent in its magnificence. As compared to past generations, when we did trivial things like send men to the moon and build aeroplanes, we are now building things that really matter – covers that don’t really cover anything, and covers that have lights hidden in them.